Alexey, Odesa region, 07.03.2022

'Good afternoon! I'd be very grateful for your help.

'Regarding note-taking. I’ve just started keeping a diary today:

07.03

14:35

I live in… and we have not seen any real fighting here yet which does not mean we are living peacefully - no, not so. From the very beginning Odesa region has been living in panic, because everyone knows that since 2014 it has been part of Russia's direct plans, as it has been pro-Soviet for a long time and we almost lost it in 2014. I even have a video from April 10th 2014, where I am looking at the columns of people walking to the … and I was saying 'We have lost Odesa...'. Fortunately, that did not happen then. The tragedy happened on May 2nd though.

But now I am not writing about 2014. I am writing about 2022. Lots of Ukrainian cities are in ruins, just like in a horrible post-apocalyptic film. They are partly in 'needles' and in sand … (a significant part of the city has anti-tank hedgehogs (Czech hedgehogs) and sandbags), like a sea acorn. It looks terrifying, especially when you look at the photos of the Second World War, in some places the fortifications are identical.

As for me, I am staying at home alone, I evacuated my wife and son to Norway. The last two days I have had no strength to even volunteer, although it is just temporary. Tomorrow I will pull myself together and will deliver food and other necessities. This is all I can do now. I wanted to go to Territorial Defence Forces, but with my back (problems) it's unlikely I'll be useful, though I was told that they saved my contact information.

I am torn by the news from the other cities (especially Mykolayiv, because it is very close). I feel an unusual range of emotions for me: from 'take the gun and attack' to fear. This is the dichotomy we live in.

Today there have already been two air raid alerts. It was short, but our online classes were interrupted and we had to reconnect. I decided for myself, not to spread panic - not to go to the shelter. My father in law is an artillerist who began to argue (with me) that during missile strikes it is safer to get away from the buildings, until the first shell hits something. Until now they missed almost every time (I know it's bad to think this way, but I can't do it any other way). Maybe I'm afraid of the judgmental looks, that I'm not on the front line and hiding in here. I do not know.

18:00

There was one air alert, the longest one from the beginning of war. I did not go to the bomb shelter. First, I overslept, I didn’t hear it. When I woke up, I thought that it was too late to go (bad idea, I know) and I waited. And so I waited for about 2 hours (!).

It turned out that there were missiles flying from the sea to Kyivshina (Kyiv region). I thought to myself 'It's good that they missed' but I know how stupid it is!

Whatever happens, I've decided to run to the shelter next time!'.'